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Ghost in the Machine

Analogy of the day: Freelance writers are like porn stars – there’s always someone prepared to do more, go further and make more noise about it; for less money than you.

While staring at a blank screen…  I wonder if Eureka! moments are the same?  Or do you have to wait for them to warm up as well?

Light bulb porn… just look at those filaments!

TOP JOB?  Most porn stars start at the top while the rest of us begin at the bottom.  Ever wondered why every job you see in recruitment agencies is for a ‘Top’ London agency?  It must be pretty crowded at that summit.  Makes you wonder just what’s down at the base of this inverse pyramid to make everyone else feel so damn superior?  If we use the recruiter’s logic – an oxymoron if ever there was one – there must be one feral communications agency against which they are all measured…

DMMC is that agency.

Digitally Marginal, Mediocre and Crap… How may we help?  Oh; you just want us to make you feel good…”

Maybe in the pale light of early dawn – as clubbers stagger back home to their converted warehouse flats and Big Issue sellers spit green mucus on to broken pavements where their dogs gnaw at the string that binds them – an unmarked people carrier runs back and forth between Clerkenwell and the far hip enclaves of East London offering brand awareness work at a paltry minimum wage.  A man in black leans out and informs the shuffling throng that the work is cash only while using a cane from a PowerPoint presentation to keep control from the vehicle’s window.  Bedraggled creatives desperately gather with day rates on boards tied with string around their necks… random cries mixing with the traffic:

“Take me!  I’m an evangelically-driven social media enabler with prospective guru status.”

“Me! Me!  I’ve serviced major accounts and I’ve a subscription to Campaign to support.”

“Over here!  Eight lattes a day habit from Starbucks and I’ve only just begun to contemplate cultivating facial hair.”

Old friend missing in actionBeverage – as in tea or coffee – a staple of railway buffets; traditional cafés; governmental establishments and good old British films of a certain ilk:  “Sugar Sir?  Me?  No; I’m sweet enough already dearie.  Gawd bless you!  Would you like a bun wiv that?  Be careful else’n you might spill your beverage over that luvly suit.  That wouldn’t do – you bein’ a proper gentleman an’ all.”  Fluid meaning but nothing to do with the Beveridge report – look it up you non-history freaks or free market disciples.  Ah, that’s better a nice cup of beverage…

How about the game that goes with a beverage better than a goatee on a creative.  Love this marketing phrase from an advert for cricket memorabilia celebrating Sachin Tendulkar’s Century of Centuries – apparently – “they offer excellent lifestyle focal points.”  And there was I thinking they were framed prints and items that looked good on the wall.

Now I need something to eat…

An heroic struggle.

Game changer: Words are equally fluid – at Pizza Express waiting for the girl in the Saturday job to stop flirting with the ‘Chef’ while reading about a new dish on a thinner base… it seems the rice ‘heroes’ up the topping.  Well enhance that!

Back at the top: unless you’re actor Richard Wilson who apparently doesn’t rate the Bard of Avon – I don’t believe it!  Although I can confirm I did see it on daytime TV.  Yes; the English language is a wonderful vehicle for misunderstanding and crossed purposes: province of fools, gamblers and con men.  No, it’s not a summary of Shakespearian artifice: it’s not even a quote from a Kenny Rogers song (ask your Dad) but a friend of mine waxing lyrical… if you think that’s flowery conversational prose you ought to hear him order a pizza.

Hmmm… Just noticed on my AOL Email box: “You are using the accessible version.”  So is there also a technologically retarded version that prevents you from accessing your emails at all?!

Sorry; that friend again – describing the victims of a serial killer… “Apparently they were all found placed in the fecal position.”  No Shit?!

That’s it for now from the random world of the underemployed: I’m off to drill down into my finances and see if AOL does a luxury version that answers your emails without you having to do anything…



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