You all know the drill by now because they are de rigueur online; stylistically oppressive and ubiquitous. Like a friendly virus.
TEN is a NICE neat rOund number. Cognitively comfortable compared to mentally unsettling maverick number NINE – where you can’t help feeling something is issing – but not as awkwardly overwhelming as ELEVEN which no longer has the Google legs.
1: Everybody compiles them – from representative organisations defining their expertise; to professional bodies promoting the ‘essential’ chunks of information any self-respecting career obsessive can’t possibly live without – to those whose fascination is trivia: top ten celebrity thong-wearers anyone?
1a: The cracks are already showing elsewhere… when basic common sense, gossip and management speak are routinely masquerading as acute intelligence.
1b: Otherwise dressed up as Emperor’s New Clothes – http:www.toptenemperor.com
2: They’re BITE size
EASY to swallow
PIECES of information…
3: Supposed to be digestible in ONE sitting…
… of a GNAT… that are usually hung on a dubious peg of convenience to cover the often unrelated information that is used; like conceptually squashing ten kittens in a box that holds only five… “Oh No! That’s awful… Where?!”
…of a GNAT… that are usually based on a dubious analogy akin to herding kittens. “Haven’t you seen it on YouTube yet? I’ve got it on my mobile.”
5: Written they’re a computer for. And it shows. Search engine-led ways of preaching to the time-pressed brain. Province of the truly ANAL(ytic). But you wouldn’t really want to spend the rest of your life hopping HERE and
Because this click and run approach infiltrates everything YOU do… Oh, they’ve gone already…
Never mind… YOU’RE still HERE.
Confused as to what has happened to numbers 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10?
Most people struggle to get beyond FIVE before they click away. That’s intellectual perseverance for like – NOW.
• They don’t build knowledge they build impatience, intolerance and frustration. They dilute CONCENTRATION and ………………………..?
• They’re repetitive…
• They’re repetitive…
• They’re repetitive… (YAWN)
BULLET • • • • • points • • • • • are NICE as well as TOP TENS in numbers.
Less specific maybe but ultimately they can be as shallow and repetitive.
THIS APPROACH EXTENDS TO OTHER RULES – BLOGS of 300 words MAX. TEXT SPEAK FOR FEATURES. CAPITALS – ITALICS – EXCLAMATION MARKS !!! BOLD – no nuance observed; no inference given.
TOP 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 TEN lists are predictable. They create the traffic JAMmentality. Everybody beeping their horn as LOUD as they can. ME! OVER HERE! ME! It’s why the defining measurement of the internet is called TRAFFIC. Everyone following the same route to more traffic. Everyone following everyone else to the lowest common denominator. Bumper to bumper… creating pollution and gas. Hurry up!
No-one apparently wants to STAY and READ something more satisfying to the END. That’s for the OLD and it’s old fashioned. Go somewhere else to KINDLE that need.
Everyone does it because it is THE WAY – it must be because all the experts, the self-styled gurus and THOSE who MUST be obeyed say it is THE WAY and who are we to argue?
TOP 1-2-3-5-6-4-8-9-7-10 TEN doesn’t fit the pattern. “Rebel; Rebel your site is a mess…”
They’re the equivalent of BRODIE’S NOTES…
If you’re not OLD ask your Mum or Dad. They’re exam revision books: easy check lists; short cuts, aide-mémoire – for last minute cramming of themes and detail.
Superficial, surface grasp – of course YOU’RE going to read in depth later… They all say that.
13: Oh for something random!
YOU being such an important individual whose life is spent perpetually in a hurry – YOU click on TOP TENS all the time. You who are not so important and seldom in any hurry at all do so because you also want to be seen as an important individual whose time is equally precious.
TOP TENS are where laziness and self-esteem collide on the border of inanity.
And – if all else fails – chuck in a few pictures of celebrities like this one HERE…
It’s Joey… JOEY ESSEX!!!
SEX!!! THE ULTIMATE TOP TEN STANDBY…
Where would we be without a gratuitous picture of a barely-dressed desperate diva like EVA LONGORIA? Just the right amount of tease and try to avoid getting knocked over in the traffic. Silly Eva diva…
NOW that’s what I call STICKY CONTENT 2
And YOU’LL STAY???
No – I thought not… gone already for the next SIDE BOOB or WARDROBE MALFUNCTION.
A final WORD from our GURU/SPONSOR… they’ll be another ‘reader’ along in a minute… sure beats traditional media, eh? Have you seen my TOP TEN list of why there will be someone along in a minute? That’s it just follow the link – the quick ones are already there.
A FOOTNOTE – it comes from books – just ask MUM and DAD again. Do you think TOP TEN compilers speak to their friends and families in this informational sht hnd?
SHT I seem to have a few random bullets left • • • • and the number 7